Dynamic Use of Goals for Self Help and Confidence Building

"The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them."

Denis Waitley, author of The Psychology of Winning

Yearning for what you desire will not enable you to get it. Converting what you want into goals and taking continuous manageable steps towards it, will.

You may have come to this website because you want more self confidence, but that isn't specific enough for a plan to achieve it. If you had more confidence, what would it enable you to have, feel or do?

Let's say you want to feel more at ease in social situations. Ok, so what would that mean for you? You might say you'd enjoy conversing with people, you'd make more friends and have a better social life. If you want to be more assertive at work, asking that same question may reveal your desire to be promoted to the position of Manager. You are starting to pin down what it is you really want.

Frame it Positively

Suppose you just want to stop feeling nervous when you sing. No, that won't do at all! Always frame your desire in a positive and powerful way eg 'I want to be a confident singer'. No negatives please, and no wishy-washy language either.

A well-formed goal provides a map so clear, that both you and your unconscious mind know exactly where you are going. It also keeps your motivation up.

If you feel a bit uncomfortable as you clarify what you want, don't worry. You are getting in touch with the anxiety or self doubt which has held you back. You will be dealing with those discomforts later on. So just focus on setting good honest goals for now.

What's that? You thought you'd need to get fully confident before you could have a better social life, be promoted or become a singer? Sorry, but it is the journey of getting to where you want to be that will build your self confidence. There is no other way to do it.

Write it Down

You should now have the basis for setting your main goal with some graded steps between where you are now and your final destination. Write it down at the bottom. Now order the steps or mini-goals in a progression of comparative ease, through to the most difficult, and write them above. Here are some examples to give you the idea.

Example 1

You want to feel relaxed in social situations and develop a better social life. Your list might look like this:

  • Start up conversations with strangers
  • Chat for longer
  • Initiate a meeting
  • Go out with a friend or friends
  • Invite a friend home
  • Visit friends in their homes
  • Confide in friends
  • Continue until I have a core of at least 3 good friends and several acquaintances
  • Have a good social life

Example 2

You feel that being more assertive would enhance your suitability for promotion to a managerial role. Your goals might look like this:

  • Give presentations in a powerful manner
  • Delegate more authoritatively
  • Stand my ground when I believe I am right
  • Stand up for myself when others try to bully
  • Apply for the post of Manager when it becomes available

Example 3

Performance nerves are wrecking your chances of being discovered. Your steps might look like these:

  • Get professional advice/tuition on singing and stagecraft
  • Learn relaxation and anti-stress techniques
  • Talk to other artistes
  • Sing to friends, and then enlarge the circle
  • Get regular gigs
  • Make a demo
  • Find an agent
  • Be a confident singer

Each step might need to be broken down further so that each of the tasks is of a do-able size. Your list may have ten, twenty or more steps. It doesn't matter how many as long as each one is manageable for you.

You may become aware of other qualities that are needed for you to accomplish certain steps. For instance, you may determine that to conquer anxiety on stage you need to become more assertive generally, or that in order to chat easily in a social setting, you need to acquire more conversational skills. These can become side goals with their own mini steps. Write them all down as they occur to you.

Writing things down makes them more real because you can look at them objectively. It is vital that these important ideas do not remain in your head. They must be clearly remembered and acted upon. Writing is an effective way of starting this process.

You have now set your goals. Well done!

The Good News

If you have several goals, achieving positive results on one will automatically make the others easier.

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