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Self Confidence Secrets brings you exclusive articles and special tips on building self confidence, plus a heads-up on what's new or forthcoming on the website.

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Elaine Fairweather

Table of Contents 10th March 2010,
Issue #023

This Month's Article: Building Relationship Confidence
Tip of the Month
What's New on the Website

Building Relationship Confidence

When your prime relationship is working well it is a resource for both partners. Each can draw upon the relationship for support, consolation etc. in times of individual difficulty. When there is a problem facing the couple, there is a strong united front to bring to the challenge, and a joint resolve to address it.

This is the ideal, but for many couples there is disharmony in the relationship, making it less of a resource. When one partner has worries, they will most likely not communicate to the other how they are feeling, and the problem grows bigger in their mind.

If a problem arises which affects both partners, any dissonance within the relationship, will tend to be magnified. This can take the form of disagreement about how to deal with the problem, which may protract its resolution. Such conflict is divisive and will further erode the relationship.

So what can you do to strengthen, or build, a mutually supportive relationship that both partners can have confidence in and enjoy? How can you make it a resource that helps both of you cope with, and resolve problems together? Fortunately, the same principles that apply to building self confidence can be used to strengthen a relationship.

How to Strengthen your Relationship

In the techniques section on the website I talk about reprogramming the mind using positive self-talk which should:

  • be kind and approving of yourself and your person
  • be supportive and encouraging about what you are doing or feeling
  • recognise those things you have done well and praise you for them

This same method can be used to improve and strengthen your relationship. Firstly, start with yourself. Notice when you are critical or unkind towards yourself and change your thoughts to more helpful, supportive and enabling ones. Learn more or recap here.

This increases your own personal resources. Next, apply the same principles to your partner. Let your thoughts, statements and actions:

  • be kind and approving of your partner and their person
  • be supportive and encouraging about what your partner is doing or feeling
  • recognise those things your partner has done well and praise him/her for them

Increasing your own resources and those of your partner in this way should have a harmonising effect on the relationship. You might choose to share that you are unhappy with the way things have been between you, and are doing something about it. If he/she is receptive you could explain the technique you are using and see if your partner might be interested in joining in.

When both partners practise positive self-talk they take responsibility for themselves by boosting their own self esteem and confidence. Immediately, there is more resource available in the relationship because the two principals are in a better state.

In addition, if both use positive statements toward each other, there will be a huge influx of goodwill to raise the spirits of both and enable each to see the other in a better light. This is a great way to iron out the dissonance and create a new level of harmony in the relationship. Soon the relationship feels stronger and more supportive, and a resource for each to draw upon in times of need.

It may be tempting to put work on yourself and your relationship aside until you have dealt with the problems. However, putting your relationship first and creating more love, respect and harmony within it, will enable you to solve the problems more quickly and effectively. They may even just melt away...

This Month's Tip:

So often the advice is to regularly do something new as a way of building self confidence. This is perfectly valid and proves to us that we are adaptable, can rise to challenges, and learn new skills.

This month’s tip is to take something you do well already, and work towards a higher degree of excellence in that area. So if you are a good cook or mathematician, find ways to improve your skill or grow your area of expertise. This might mean learning more, experimenting with new methods, practising, refining….. It will cause you to use your mind in a number of different ways, which of course further develops your confidence.

Don’t make it a serious business. Have fun along the way.

What’s New on the Website

Can you Help?

I created my website in 2006 because I wanted to make essential information on how to build self confidence freely available to people like you. It has been, and continues to be, a gift I am happy to make. However, websites don’t come free, and for four years I have funded this one myself.

What’s new on the website is the facility to make a donation to help with the running costs of the site. If you value the information you have received and would like to help maintain and develop this website, your donation will be greatly appreciated.

My Offer to You

As a token of my appreciation, I am offering a copy of my 80 page e-book called Feel Your Worth…Know Your Power for the suggested donation of US $10. This is a quality product. It contains new material which complements and expands upon the information on the website.

Click the link to read more about Feel Your Worth…Know Your Power and to access the Donate button.

Please help others by helping to maintain this website

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Self Confidence Secrets. If you would like to make comments, offer ideas, suggestions or give feedback, I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this zine and tell me what you think.

See you next month!


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