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Elaine Fairweather

Table of Contents 10th April 2009, Issue #012

This Month's Article:
Loving Yourself - How to Do It
Tip of the Month
Coming Soon

Loving Yourself - How to Do It

It can be one of the most difficult concepts to grasp – the idea of loving yourself. Many years ago, when someone suggested that I should love myself more, I could not at all comprehend what this meant at first.

I knew that it sounded good and healthy, but how to do it?

I knew that I was my own strongest critic so I started with that – loving myself more might mean not criticising myself so much. That expanded to not saying unkind things about myself generally, and not doing harmful things like eating unhealthily or staying up too late at night.

It was a long time before I cottoned on to the fact that loving oneself was not so much to do with stopping the negatives, although that is important. It had much more to do with a dynamic positive treatment of oneself.

How to love yourself in a proactive way:

  • Forgive yourself for being human and imperfect
  • Praise the things you did well or got right
  • Learn from those things that did not turn out so well
  • Acknowledge you did your best at the time
  • Accept that life is the greatest learning curve of all
  • Support yourself with encouraging words
  • Comfort yourself when you hurt
  • Be understanding when you make a mistake
  • Be kind to yourself always
  • Contribute to yourself in healthy ways

Loving yourself needs to be unconditional – that is, you don’t have to win or earn that love through being good, working hard, or being an outer success. When you actively apply the above, feelings such as self worth and deservedness become the ground of your being.

Talk to yourself lovingly

The easiest way to apply self love is through talking to yourself, either out loud or mentally, as in the following examples:

“I forgive myself for being human and imperfect.”
“I really did a good job of ______. Well done me!”
“I may not have made the right decision, but I did my best at the time. I have learned from the experience and I’ll be able to do things better in the future.”
“Life is a challenge that helps me to develop my wisdom and power.”
“It’s going to be fine. You’ll manage this.”
“Although it’s painful right now, time will heal and I will feel better again.”
“I made a genuine mistake. Not to worry. Everyone makes them sometimes.”

Treat yourself in a loving manner

As well as what you say to yourself, there is how you behave towards yourself. Do things that demonstrate you care about you. This might mean promoting your own health by eating healthily or exercising more. It could mean taking time off or giving yourself a treat. When you consciously contribute to your own wellbeing in these ways, you are being loving towards yourself.

It can really help to mentally stand outside of yourself and your situation. Pretend that you are a close friend responding to that person in the situation. You sympathise and offer your best counsel, you encourage, cajole, offer practical help and your deepest understanding. Whatever words and actions you would apply as a good friend, apply to yourself.

The rewards of self love

Loving yourself is foundational to building and maintaining a healthy level of self esteem and confidence. It makes you feel better. It reduces stress and anxiety enabling you to cope better and enjoy life more. If you care for yourself, you will find it easier to be tolerant of other people too.

These are all of the advantages, and there is absolutely no down side! Decide to love yourself and you may be surprised at the difference it makes to how you feel.

This Month's Tip

Feeling full of tension, worry, depressing thoughts? Soak in the bath and imagine anything negative flowing out of you into the water. Then pull the plug out and watch it drain away with the bath water.

If you prefer showers, feel the water running down your body and imagine it rinsing away those anxious thoughts or whatever. Then watch them disappearing down the plug hole.

Either way, you’ll feel better and cleaner afterwards.

*Coming Soon*

A few months ago I reported that my e-book was near completion. It has taken longer than expected but it’s finished now and launch is imminent.

Feel Your Worth…Know Your Power, the Essential Guide to Confidence Building, provides all you need to know to build deep and lasting self esteem and confidence. Watch out for it on the website and expect a launch announcement in next month’s e-zine.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Self Confidence Secrets. If you would like to make comments, offer ideas, suggestions or give feedback, I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this zine and tell me what you think.

See you next month!


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