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Elaine Fairweather

Table of Contents 10th August 2009, Issue #016

This Month's Article:
Be Happy and Win at Life
Tip of the Month:
Choose Your Model

Be Happy and Win at Life

A close friend recently got married for the second time. The occasion made me reflective for a number of reasons. A few years ago she was widowed, losing a most beloved husband and the joy of a long and happy marriage.

Despite her sorrow, my friend bravely faced the challenge of making a new life for herself. Although in her seventies, she began the task of re-defining herself and creating a new life that would have meaning and value – even if it was to be different to her old one.

Many people in such a situation may go through the motions of living after their partner has died or some other tragic event has occurred, yet not actually embrace life as my friend did. She trusted that there could be another life out there for her and she went out to meet it. In doing so, she found it.

Are some people luckier than others?

You might think that my friend was just lucky to fall in love again and find a second chance at happiness. I believe that she attracted this good fortune by her attitude to life.

Using my friend as a model, I have listed below the attributes that can make you more attractive to good fortune in every area of your life:

Every day look for the positives in your life

Even if you have troubles, you are not well or you are in debt, there will still be goodness in your life. You may need to make an effort to look for it, but find it and acknowledge it.

Be grateful for all you have

Once you have identified the positives in your life, take a moment to feel gratitude for them. Be grateful on a daily basis and you will create a general feeling of abundance and richness within you. It is like emotionally opening your arms to embrace what you have and making room for any more that is ready to come into your life.

Don’t moan

Even if you are in pain, poor or suffering in some other way, don’t moan about it. It will only magnify the feelings and if you moan long and hard enough, you may drive away your friends!

Try and distract yourself by listening to others, engaging with their joys and concerns. Keeping your focus OUTside of yourself may actually make you feel better.

Be optimistic

Another friend used to say “Nothing lasts for ever – good or bad”. This is so true, and when times are hard, remember that this cannot last for ever. It is the nature of earthly life that the sun follows the rain just as rain follows the sun.

Expect the sun and it will come out more quickly than if you constantly look out for more rain.

Keep your sense of humour

Sometimes you might not feel like laughing but a good laugh can be just what you need to reset your emotional clock. Watching a funny film, listening to jokes on the radio, socialising with friends can all be the means to get your humour going. One good belly laugh brings so many beneficial physical as well as psychological effects. It really is good medicine!

Be giving

Giving is a way of keeping your heart open. It keeps you sensitive to others and prevents you becoming too focussed on your own concerns. The act of contributing to another person, group or organisation feeds into self esteem and brings the beneficial feeling of being part of a greater whole.

Take on a personal challenge

It’s tempting to remain within your comfort zone but there are benefits to be had in setting yourself the occasional challenge. Doing something that you find difficult or uncomfortable and succeeding in it, is a really good way of building a feeling of personal resource.

Overcoming fear is a great way to build confidence. If you are afraid of water, for instance, you might take a course of swimming lessons. Even if you never grow to enjoy that particular element you will gain in the sense of your own power and self mastery.

Be happy and a winner in life

All of the above are ingredients for happiness. A happy person is pleasant to be around and attracts friends. A happy person is more likely to get the job, the partner, the opportunities. By changing your attitude to a more positive and life-affirming one you can become a winner too.

This Month's Tip
Choose Your Model

This tip derives from the article above. Just as I have been inspired by my friend, you too can look for a model (someone who has the qualities you admire and would wish for in yourself) and learn from them.

Ask yourself what is it they do that makes them confident, relaxed, happy or whatever. Study how they look, how they handle situations, how they act. Observe and learn. When you are in a difficult situation you can imagine what this other person would say and how they would act if they were in your shoes.

In this way you can practise becoming more like your model in specific ways that you choose.


The Essential Guide to Confidence Building

An easy-to-read e-book with all you need to know to build deep and lasting self confidence – the key to living the life you want.

Read all about it on the website by clicking on the link above.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Self Confidence Secrets. If you would like to make comments, offer ideas, suggestions or give feedback, I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this zine and tell me what you think.

See you next month!


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