Develop the Right Mindset, Tips for Self Help



Here are a number of pointers which together form the 'right mindset' or most useful approach for self help. When put into practice this combined resource makes any task or endeavour much easier. Developing your mental attitude in this way will enable you to get the most out of self help and the process of building your self confidence.

Keep Cool

Getting worked up about things never helps. Indeed it hinders you. More importantly, it diverts your valuable energy away from what you want. Keeping a cool head is part of the mindset that helps you to focus your energy in the direction you want to go.

Try to be conscious on a daily basis of when you tense up, begin to fret or become anxious. Take what steps you can to alleviate the stress. For example stop for a tea break, take deep breaths, encourage yourself with positive self-talk, go for a walk. If tension or stress is a constant feature consider joining a yoga class, learning meditation or taking regular exercise to change this pattern.

Be Positive

Being positive is the crux of the mindset. It opens the doors of possibility and probability. A negative thought nearly always closes a loop and prevents action. Here's an example: "I'd love to go abroad. Of course I can't because of my work." See, it's all sealed and a done deal. Except it's NO deal! You'd never get further than your own back yard because you believe you are stuck and that nothing can change.

Now if you really wanted to see the world it would be more helpful to think positively and say "I'd love to travel. How am I going to do it?" That keeps the door open to further thinking and planning. Of course you may not be able to go straight away. You may need to save up, negotiate time off work or think about a new way of life where you earn on the hoof..... but thinking positive assumes that there is a way forward and directs your energy accordingly.

The same thing applies to the minutiae of everday living. Practice having a positive mental attitude with hopeful expectations of the day, week, month and the future generally. Life will flow more easily with this mindset. When things are not going to plan you have the choice to either look on the bright side or the gloomy one. The positive thought that 'this will pass and things will get better' is more enabling than 'this is terrible, I can't stand it' which again closes the loop and may lock you into a negative cycle of experiences.

Thinking about and fearing failure is perhaps the most potentially destructive form of negativity. It can prevent you taking those actions which would lead to success. At the start of his career, UK television and radio presenter, Terry Wogan, risked leaving the security of a steady job in Ireland for a short term contract with the BBC because he wanted to do it. In his autobiography he says "Failure and its consequences never occurred to me - they never have." With this positive mindset he went on to enjoy huge success and never looked back.

Being positive about yourself, what you do, and the world in general makes it more likely you will succeed. With the help available on this site you will be able to become more positive and self-determining as you build confidence.

Learn how you can become more positive by changing your self-talk. Stay Focussed

This is the part of the mindset where setting goals comes in. They help you stay focussed. Without a list of clear intentions it is easy to lose the plot or to forget what you are aiming for. When this happens you lose momentum. The loss of power can make you feel less good about yourself and creates self doubt.

Whilst it is desireable that you stay focussed to avoid these pitfalls, it is also wise to be realistic and recognise that we are all human and err at times. It is not the end of the world if you lose concentration on your goals as long as you commit to them. This means getting straight back on the 'horse' after you have fallen off.

Commit to Yourself

Commitment, sometimes a difficult concept, is nonetheless part of the 'right mindset'. In deciding to build your self confidence and engage with the process of self help you are committing to yourself. Commitment to a partner, animal or child means you don't run off at the first hurdle. You stick by them through thick and thin. The same loyalty and devotion needs to be applied to you.

Don't get annoyed with yourself if you fall by the wayside. Learning to brush down and refocus on your goals is part of the experience. Keep chipping away and you will get there.

A good mindset to adopt is that of being your own best friend and mentor. I am sure that you have been supportive towards your friends or family when they had problems or were hurt or discouraged. Can you remember how you searched for the words to comfort and encourage? You will need to look for those words and sentiments as you support yourself.

When things go right, and they will, be your own chief supporter and cheer leader. Don't be afraid to praise yourself and to accept that affirmation of you and what you have achieved. Being your own best buddy and giving yourself positive feedback is a vital part of the process. Don't skimp!

Maintain Perspective

Do not assume you are the only one in the world with problems. Many people who appear outwardly assured are afflicted with self doubt on the inside. They are just masters at hiding it. Even truly confident people tend to have their Achilles' heel, one particular area of vulnerability or weakness.

In other words, you are definitely not alone. Bear this in mind and you won't be overwhelmed. Keeping things in proportion is part of the right mindset. Just think, as you grow more confident yourself you will have the power to put other people at their ease.

Keep the Vision Alive

Maintaining a clear mental picture of what you are aiming for is a vital part of the mindset. Start each day by referring to your list of goals. Then relax yourself, close your eyes, and imagine having already reached your main goal. Note how it feels both emotionally and physically. Notice how others are reacting to you. Utilise as many of the senses as you can, including sight, sound, touch and even smell. Make the experience as vivid as possible.

Spend a few enjoyable minutes in this way. Then look back in your imagination at the individual steps you took to get to this point of success, viewing them in the same detail. Now direct the visualisation into the future and take a few minutes to explore the possibilities that lie before you, now you have achieved your goal. When you've finished open your eyes and re-enter the day gently.

This visualisation is best undertaken with the body relaxed, mind focussed and with the spirit of playfulness. It should not be hard work!

A successful mindset must include the means to keep your vision alive and your goal-getting active. Visualisation is a powerful way of showing the unconscious mind what you want it to help you create. To learn more about visualisation click here.





This is the mindset that is going to be the most useful to you in matters of self help. It's not a bad set-up for building confidence either. As you continue to plumb the site you will find that certain themes recur and are explained in greater depth. If you want to know more, the chances are that there is more elsewhere on the site - or if there isn't yet, there will be in the future.



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